Changing your relationship with anxiety

A basic introduction to anxiety. What is it? Why is it? And how can I manage it?

I, like a lot of people, had no idea that I had many symptoms of anxiety as a child. It was only in my early twenties that I started to understand that my body was trying to let me know that I wasn’t taking care of my needs. I had to learn to understand why I was feeling anxious and from there I was able to make choices to reduce when and where the anxiety showed up. It's important to note that we cannot get rid of anxiety as it is an important part of our survival, but you can change your relationship with it. When we start to understand its functions and be curious about why we are feeling what we are feeling, we shift to accepting it, thus reducing our fear of it. When you no longer fear anxiety itself you move into a space that allows you make better choices and to take care of our whole-body health. Once this happens you will probably find that it doesn’t show up half as much.

Have you ever noticed yourself watching a stressful moment in a film where a person must dive underwater to rescue someone? You might find yourself anxiously holding your breath with them, only to discover that you have immersed yourself in the scene without thinking. It is incredible how our bodies struggle to decipher between fact and fiction.

Watching thrillers or horror movies is often a way we can see how we create relationships with emotions interchangeably. We love the excitement of plot twists, unpredictable jumps in a movie, roller coasters, or even the haunted house rides. For those who actively seek out that experience to pump adrenaline through their system, they get a high or a sense of nervous laughter with friends that classify as excitement. It is how we relate to our experience of something that can change it all.

What is it?

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. You may feel anxious before you interview, take a test, or anticipate the safety of a situation. Anxiety is the body's natural response to stress, and it can be beneficial in some situations. We need this function to activate emergency responses, being able to run when we are in danger or to make judgements on whether we should walk down dark alleyways. If we were not able to check into our emotional / gut sense in these moments, we could find ourselves making some questionable decisions.

While this heightened sense of emotional attunement is important, it can become overwhelming and get in the way of your day-to-day life. In moments of stress, our rational brain can shut down and impede our ability to problem solve, to reason, or even verbalize thoughts. Some people grow up in an environment that is surrounded by unpredictability such as interchangeable mixed messages of love/anger, addictions, or homelessness. This is just to name a few examples of what is known as adverse childhood experiences, and these emotional experiences may mean that the person could still be living with that anxious mechanism switched on.

How to recognise the symptoms

Your Breathing – this can speed up to deliver more oxygen to your blood as your body prepares to take flight or fight. Hyperventilation occurs when someone is exhaling more carbon dioxide than the intake of oxygen which can lead to feeling dizzy or weak. Other people might even hold your breath.

Your Heart Rate Increases – some people’s hearts beat faster to bring oxygen to your major muscles, and it can reduce the flow to your hands and feet so you might feel them get cold. Blood can even thicken, which increases clotting factors, and this is your body preparing or responding to injury.

Your Sight - your peripheral vision increases so you can notice your surroundings, pupils dilate and let in more light, which helps you see better. Think of yourself walking home in the dark and you feel afraid, and you start to notice the smallest of things, like a leaf bowling and it startles you. Your eyes are now in a state of high alert monitoring for danger.

Your Hearing - your ears “perk up” and your hearing becomes sharper. You might have experienced sitting at home and hearing a strange noise, so you switch off any sounds around you and you notice the sound of white noise that is always present, but we don’t acknowledge when we are in a calmer state.

Your Sympathetic Nervous System – your adrenal glands produce adrenaline or norepinephrine which are produced for the fight-or-flight responses. This can temporarily reduce your perception of pain, which is often why paramedics, or first-aid responders, tell people to lay still so they can assess injuries that can go unnoticed until the hormone rush subsides.

Symptoms People Aren't Always Aware of -

Feeling detached from things

Being unable to speak

Headaches (often related to muscle tension)

Feeling tense and rigid

Sensitivity to noises and disarray

Sexual difficulties

Irritability

Appearing “zoned out"

Feeling weak or tired

Trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry

"“When stress or anxiety persist over longer periods of time and start to impact on our daily life, then seeking help is a good idea. Chronic stress can cause huge problems with both physical and mental health so we have to start taking it seriously" Dr. Julie Smith

Things that can help

There are several things that you can do to help manage anxiety, that sometimes people overlook. It is important to take note of when these symptoms show up, what are the patterns that lead up to anxious episodes and find ways you can introduce behaviours to level out emotional responses instead of waiting until there is no more room for stressors.

Learn about the problem - The more you know about your feelings, the better able you will be to identify triggers or habits that may contribute to your anxiety.

Sleep – This is one of the most important parts of self-care and is far too often overlooked by people. Remember that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, and for very good reason. Our bodies are regulated by sleep patterns, it is a time that is used to regenerate our whole-body health, and our ability to emotionally regulate. When our systems are denied these functions, our immune systems are impacted, higher levels of inflammation can be found in the gut etc. We perceive that something is wrong and so we are put on high alert, waiting to catch the perceived threat.

Practice relaxation techniques - The body and mind are closely linked. By relaxing your body, you can reduce stress in the mind. For some people this can be meditation, drawing, singing (a really good alternative to breathing exercise), reading, playing games. When we increase mindful breathing, we are increasing the level of oxygen in the system which then, in turn, helps our body feel less under threat. Find what works for you and use it. Setting Goals – Set a goal for the day and then try to accomplish it. Keep in mind that achievable goals are important so as not to add to a negative thinking about oneself, you don't have to do everything at once. Start with small goals, like taking a walk around the block or taking a short trip somewhere near your home. For others who are struggling to take care of the small things it could be getting dressed, taking a shower. Build from there as it is manageable.

Gratitude & Mindfulness - Practice searching for one good thing that happened you each day. When we start to reframe what we are grateful for you will start to see it more easily. Think to the last time you were debating on buying something, and how suddenly you start to see it everywhere. Its not that all of a sudden everyone has them, it's simply that you were unaware as it wasn't on your radar. If you struggle to find one good thing, celebrate that you took the time to do that for the progress you want to make. be grateful you are trying.

Talk – If you have people you can talk to, start with something small and build your confidence in sharing how you are feeling. All too often people are afraid to be a burden to someone, and it can prevent them from seeking comfort. It is important to reframe our thinking. If this was someone else, like a loved one, ask yourself “would I want them to open up to me?” We are far kinder to others than we are to ourselves when it comes to emotional responses.

So in short

As we start to listen, challenge and learn more about our own triggers we can face the world with confidence and grow as individuals. Letting go of things that you simply can't control is perhaps the hardest lesson to learn. When you feel the release of that, you can wear your anxiety for what it is—a daily companion and friend telling you that it's time to get moving and changing.

Please feel free to get in touch and I can help you to start taking the first steps to cope with your anxiety.

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Reference Dr. Julie Smith Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before